The revelation of what it means to release all my own existence rights to Christ because of the price paid on Calvary to redeem me – this truth has brought me to a tremendous shaking and stirring. 

I would never have described myself as a person who was obsessed with my own rights and privileges, and yet, there is a struggle when moving to voluntarily release those things that I have valued greatly (higher than I imagined) into the care and control of God.  “God is in control” sounds substantially more involved than I had previously imagined.  It is not just a case of confession and a change of certain lifestyles, but an all-consuming recognition that my life is not my own – I belong to Christ. 

This is the problem with many of our “religious confessions”:  if we do not understand the true spiritual implications, they are just words and do not reflect the intent of our heart.  In recognizing the need to release my rights to Christ, I also recognized how many rights I had been promoting and how those selfish rights were influencing me.

And I see the releasing process differently now.  It is more of a tearing away.  It starts as with the  look of a child torn from his favorite toy and then moves to a vision of the anguish experienced when we watch a loved one die.   Then it escalates to the point of ripping apart the motives behind the desires based in my mind, will and emotions and flings open the door of the Holy Spirit’s discernment to the deep places of my heart where there is no hiding, running or escaping.   Every excuse, logical explanation, intelligent debate and dynamic answer is thrown to the ground and shattered into unrecognizable rubble without worth or purpose.  I have become extremely aware of my heroic attempts to save myself and the implications of those failures.

In this process, though, there comes a great restoration to reality – the reality that is eternal and unchangeable.  There is much truth and freedom in dwelling in that place of total submission to all that God is and all that God longs to be in me.  Being restored to reality brings an end to the deceptive thinking that hurls me forward into things that are born out of my own understanding.  As I acknowledge my true position – a slave and possession, yet an heir and precious child of the most High God – there is no room for the independent spirit or selfish ambition.  The performance based on my own rights and privilege ends up being seen as it is- foolish and unfruitful.   Many of the character attributes I had highly esteemed become feeble attempts to impart loftiness to an otherwise despicable motive and to recognize everyday that without the love of God, I am hopelessly lost. 

So, as I am released from my own rights and status, I am restored to a place of divine fellowship with the Lover of my soul, Redeemer of my life, Saviour, Master, King and Healer.  This fellowship is not based in my past achievements or perceived performance.  This is the fellowship built on everything that was restored at the cross.  It is beyond my scope of influence but fully contained in His character.  It is unattainable by human effort, but evidenced through Christ’s body on earth. 

Released from myself and restored to all that He is.  This is my journey.

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